After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
