hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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