so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
