so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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