Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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