Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
