covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
