I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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