last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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