You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
