My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
