We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
