her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
