we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
