i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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