She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
