i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
