Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
