its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
In America we eat man semen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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