did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
