The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it was like eating out sand paper
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
