If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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