I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you made out with another girl for some wings
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
