windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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