Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
