I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
