Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
