There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
