I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
