READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
