I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
