She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
