You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
