he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
