Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
