Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
