I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
