i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
