just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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