I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
