Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
