Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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