I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
