I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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