God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
