that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
