I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
