So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
