So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
