Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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