my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think my mom watched the whole time
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
