So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
