Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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