If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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