Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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