I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
