Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
