if you like me you must not know who I am
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
