It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
