3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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