im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
