I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're like the curious george of whores
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
