i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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