it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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