my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
