My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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