Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
