24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
