I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
