Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You need a sexual gate keeper
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
