She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
