I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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