We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
