My liver just broke up with me...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
